Upon Which I Expose The Magicians
Written By: Jeff Behnke
I I think anyone who spends even a slight amount of time to see how I function on a day to day basis will see quite quickly how out of balance I am. My mind is counterintuitive—nothing is as it seems to me. I see reality as this massive rug which is constantly pulled out from under the feet of unsuspecting victims who are basically everyone with a consciousness. And every time that rug is pulled, I wonder what the hell is going on. Why? Why is every thought and idea so easily shown to be wrong in just as many ways as it is right? Mass volumes of them…not just a trickle here and there. Because of this, I always wondered how someone could become an activist since there are so many obvious reasons not to support what they are supporting. How does someone choose between supporting Democratic ideals vs. Republican ideals, for instance. Rightness and wrongness just seems to be this matter or perception. But if you know this, how can you still trust your perception? In my mind, you can’t. That’s not how you should make decisions. For some reason, I can’t say, “Oh well, I guess I can’t trust my perception, but I have a perception so I have to deal with it.” It seems to be cheating, and I just can’t cheat on something like that. It’s too important to me.
Carrying this thought a bit further, there is this general assumption in life that there is a right and wrong way to be, but the funny thing is, your opinion will instantly change depending on who you talk to. You might think this is just some kind of quirk to you, that you just hadn’t thought about it enough. True, some beliefs are relatively destructive so they are generally thrown into the ‘bad’ category, but at the same time, the destruction of forests by fire is a requirement in some cases to have new life grow in its place, correct? Some believe in the need for the fire, others believe in the requirement to conserve the forest.
Look at September 11th, 2001. It was as if all these academics had been discussing the need for an arson to come in and torch the United States so it had an excuse to beef up the military. And then an arson comes in and does just that. Bingo! Thanks! but those writing all the academic papers on the requirement for another Pearl Harbor can’t say thanks because so many people died and they would appear as if they have a lack of humanitarian principles. Right? Wrong? It’s a matter of perspective, a matter of what you are staring at while you are thinking about it.
As a result of this perspective dilemma, I’ve spent a good portion of my life in search of a truth that is not manipulated by an underlying interest, including my own. I feel that my mind is there for a strong purpose—to deceive me. So the only way to prevent the deception is to assume each of my thoughts are incorrect. The way that I do this is, as soon as I have a thought, I think of every way possible it is wrong instead of every single way it is right. Like, when I see someone’s art, I might say to myself, “He is a bad artist.” But as soon as this thought crosses my mind, I start listing all the reasons he probably is a good artist, as if I’m using my own mind to counterbalance its own perception until I return to my state of knowing that my mind isn’t smart enough to make a proper analysis about anything at all.
I do this to everything someone could possibly have a perception upon--take religion. “Christianity is useless for spiritual growth,” I might say to myself. The second I have that thought, this subroutine kicks off and starts accumulating all the reasons I’m wrong. In the process, my initial thought of Christianity being useless gains strength, because I’ll run across more proof of it being useless. In response, the subroutine will come across all these counterarguments to this additional proof, all of which leave me wondering how someone could possibly have an opinion on anything, and still mean it.
So through all of this counterintuitive balancing going on in my head, I’ve discovered something relatively interesting—I can visualize arguments and ideas as physical entities. No longer do I see right and wrong the way it was taught to me. Yes, there is a right and wrong, a truth and a fiction, a fantasy and a reality, but they seem to be magnetic fields pulsating out of some idea on a spiritual plane that is crossing a material one. All those magnetic fields pulsating out of the idea are so holographic—you shift where you are sitting and the whole thing changes right before your eyes. What you once thought was right suddenly becomes wrong. What you once thought was a fantasy is suddenly a reality. What you once thought was dark and terrible suddenly becomes light and terrific. When you see this transitive nature of every thought and idea, you get this sense of wonder and awe at the simplest things, ‘good’ as well as ‘evil’. You no longer trust yourself nor do you trust anyone else, either. This non trust of everything gives people the perception that I am off balance, when in reality, if you think about it, the opposite is true. I’m completely balanced because I cannot give a straight answer. I am sitting in no permanent position. I’m moving around in a circle, viewing the whole idea from many angles, spinning it around, watching its colors and features change. Like right now, you probably have this perception that I’ve smoked a lot of marijuana, where the truth of the matter is far from it.
Because I can do this, I seem to get pleasure out of being the devil’s advocate. In other words, I can see things in a way in which you are not supposed to see things. You have all these people running around, trying to use their perception as a way to influence others in religion and politics, and it’s like, all I have do is walk around to the other side and say, “Hey! Look here! There’s an old guy behind this thing pulling some strings!” Reality destroying? For sure. But if you know the old guy is there, and watch everyone staring in rapture, completely convinced by this booming, loud, obnoxious voice, how can you not say something?
In other words, I am that arsonist which torches the forest of carefully planned and executed ideas of these magicians. These gatekeepers of reality. Imbalanced, yes, but for the devil’s sake, all you have to do is look behind the curtain. Right and wrongness is a perception. It is a magic trick, an illusion that you see only as long as you sit in your seat and view the cards from one angle. Perception is deception. Opening your eyes isn’t enough. You have to do a lot of walking, too.